Volunteer work

I actually really like working. It makes me feel good. I am good at what I do, so I volunteer. Volunteering is yes, a pleasure in and of itself, yet sometimes I hope that the experience will also be a means to another end. Of course, I am not totally selfless.
So, usually after a bunch of training and whatever hoops I need to jump through, I become a bonafied dyed in the wool volunteer, and am then left to do important things like deal with rape survivors or prevent suicides or some such thing. Yeah, I can do that. I like it and I do good work.

Last year, after like six months of working for Suicide Prevention, I was turned down for a traineeship. Now, okay, you pick who you want. I get that part. But the agency obviously, after leaving me alone to handle shifts for months, knew I could do the work. They told me that they didn't think I could work 20 hour weeks (I was doing 16 hour work weeks at the time.) and also - are we ready for this - that they didn't think I could provide therapy because I had no experience and had been a case manager. Huh? Case managers do nothing but provide direct services to clients. I mean, come on a get real. So of course, I ended up working the line with partners who had no experience, were arrogant, and got traineeships.

I've had many prospective placements tell me I have no experience - duh! That's why you go to grad school and then get a placement - because you have no experience. Of course, there must be real reasons. I can make some educated guesses at what they are. Maybe the movement disorder that makes it impossible to sit still during an interview. Maybe may slow, thick voice that initially makes people think I am a slow-witted child. Maybe the lack of working for 5 years due to I dunno, maybe the lack of ability to sit in a chair.
And over and over the same comment - you haven't done any really work - just volunteer. I bite back so much pain and anger, and the feeling there is nothing I can do. (Well, I can take drugs to manage the symptoms caused by bad interviews.)
Sometimes I watch the young adults I volunteer with when they get frustrated with job hunting or school. They are so young, and of course I give them the "this is just one place, it will get better, don't give up you're a good person" speech. All the while I am thinking, if you think this is fun at 23 just wait until 50. It gets worse!