suicide prevention - Alameda County

I worked at Suicide Prevention in Marin for over a year and a half. Parts of it were wonderful, and parts of it were extremely painful. Just letting you know, but this is a story for a different day. Today is a day for me to talk about Alameda County.

Like I say, there were problems at Suicide Prevention. I stayed because I love the work. When I would ask friends for input, the most common feedback was to find someplace else where I could do the same work. Makes sense to me. So I look around and decided to try Alameda County.

I called about six months ago, figuring I could leave a message or make a brief contact. When I called, the volunteer coordinator said she did not have time to talk and asked for my number, which is (415) 555-1212. She asked if I was in San Francisco, so I told her no, I'm in Marin. At this point she told me to call the Marin number and ask to volunteer there. I told here that thank you, I have the number, and I volunteered there but would now like to make a change. Now the tone of the the contact got NASTY. Why did I leave? I explained that they turned me down for a school practicum, and after that, things were awkward. She tells me how uncomfortable she is with all that. I also explained that I was in good standing at the time I resigned. She still thinks they shouldn't take me because I left another suicide prevention line. Then my akathesia kicked in, which can happen under stress. (Yup, buddy - being asked to explain why you would dare want to change volunteer jobs? Come on now.) So now she all like, you sound like you're upset. No, I have diaphragm spasms, I'm really not upset.
Now, here's the kicker - explaining that you're not upset repeatedly to someone who isn't listening to your words as they have already concluded that you is truly upsetting. I know she was in a hurry, and made the error of not calling me back. So she is trying to get rid of me as quickly as possible. I know that stress triggers involuntary movement and makes my breath sound more labored. I am sooooo screwed. The bottom line, she says, is there is no way that I will be considered for volunteering. YeeHaw.

Few months go by, I try again. This time I send an e-mail and she calls me. This time she actually is not stressed when she talks to me so it goes well. (It was her circumstances that were different, not mine). We go over my volunteer work background, she goes over the training requirements. She expresses concern on my ability to take feedback from people who have much less experience than me. I reassure her that I believe in working collaboratively, especially in a setting where people need feedback and debriefing, and that for this reason I like to get feedback. Okay, now she's happy - she'll e-mail me the application. Please send it back.

I get the danged thing and I fill it out. Here are some of the questions they asked me along with my answers:

Have you ever severely blue (sic) or depressed? - yes
Have you ever seriously threatened to take your own life? - yes
Have you ever made an actual attempt to take or your own life? - no
Have thoughts of suicide occurred to you recently? - yes

No invasion of privacy here, now is there? How on earth do they figure they are allowed to ask intimate questions about my private mental health history.

I get a call back - she does not want me to volunteer for them. Of course, she wants to ask me a bunch of questions so she can show off how sensitive she is or some dang thing. I assure her that I have been suicidal for years, and manage my mental health care without it interrupting my ability to perform the duties of the job. Hell, I've done this for a year and a half - no problem. So she explains carefully how they have to be careful about letting people who are like bi-polar or anything working the hotlines because they it might be too triggering for them. Personally, in the time I worked suicide prevention, nothing that was talked about ever triggered suicidal ideation. (Being turned down for a traineeship and then training students with no experience to do what I was not considered good enough to do - yeah, big time triggers. But talking about suicide or working with suicidal callers - never a problem.) I've been suicidal for 40 years now - I've worked, been to grad school, done crisis and mental health work. I am responsible about getting appropriate mental health treatment and suicidality does not require accommodation not does it interfere with my ability to perform essential duties of the job. I really don't see the problem here. I tell her all this. She wants to know how often I get mental health treatment, how I manage it. I tell her. Then she says this is all very well, but the answer is still no.

I point out the reason for her attitude towards me as a potential volunteer is not that I am suicidal but that I disclosed this when asked. She plays this "that is not true" game. Of course, no one would ever lie about being suicidal on a form applying for a volunteer job. Hell, suicide is a taboo subject. People lie about it all the time. That's why we have suicide prevention. So people have a place where they don't have to lie.

She says I can call her supervisor if I want and she will give me the number. I tell her have the supervisor call me, I want to talk to her. The supervisor did leave me a message the next day. I was car hunting and couldn't get back to her right away. I tried two days later and couldn't get through. I have left a message for the last three days. This should be interesting. I expect she will back her employee on general principal, at which point I have every intention of going to legal aid and filing for discrimination based on disability.

The training starts early in May. This is May. I should be in that training. This does not look good.