Why I left Suicide Prevention Marin - Part 2

So now, I have a chronically angry shift partner (he never got over my smacking him upside the head). I am struggling to get past the pain of watching my old classmates move on while I am left with no way of continuing my education. And then, Thanksgiving came. I work Fridays. Every Friday unless I'm on vacation or sick. And I try very hard not to be sick.
I show up for work. The trainee working the shift before me informs me that she had talked to my partner the day before and he was in L.A. But as he had not called it nobody was absolutely sure whether I had a partner for the day. The staff had gone home since it was me on and of course I could handle it alone. I was so angry. Then, the calls starting coming in. 10 in two hours. Nobody left me a note telling me who my backup staff was, and anyway I wouldn't have had time to call for help. IT SO BIT. It's a holiday, I'm alone, and the number of calls is overwhelming. (I really don't mind working shifts alone - I do so frequently. But I do mind being left without the staff checking in. I also hated it when the director would ask me if I was okay handling the phones. If I was having a difficult day and said no, she would laugh, assume I was kidding, and walk away.) I get the callers through of course, and go home.
Next week, I talk to the volunteer coordinator, who is a kind and reasonable woman. I tell her I do not want to work a holiday alone again. She gets it and assures me she will make sure it does not happen again.
Next week, director and sucky shift partner are there. I am still a little bent out of shape about Thanksgiving and my partner not letting me know he would be gone. Then, his classmate who works the shift before is stays and they discuss whether he is in the right field. (The answer is no. He is unprofessional and doesn't really care about the callers.) He sits with his back to me. I am in the room, but it is clear that I am not to speak.
Later, he says notices I am upset and asks why. So I tell him he left me hanging on a holiday without giving any notice and that I was excluded from a conversation, on my shift, by people sitting right next to me. He apologizes for not giving notice of missing a shift, then pouts for two hours. I finally ask what's wrong. Dude stands over me and yells for two hours about how he doesn't appreciate my expecting to be included in a private(?) conversation between to experienced students who actually have real life experience. (In other words, I am to be seen and not heard.) The guy is really angry. He has officially been promoted to asshole in my book.
The next week, the conversation between him and the other hotline worker continue. They are talking about Kaiser Santa Rosa's post-doctoral program for psychologists. She has a friend who knows somebody who trained there. I know I am unwelcome to talk, so I refrain from telling them that my therapist runs that program and that the only thing she knows about my shift partner is that he is officially and unequivocally an asshole. Somehow I take a bit of satisfaction in this little bit of private knowledge, but feint sickness and go home rather than sit through an hour of being treated like an uneducated child by an arrogant boy half my age.
But then again, this is still not why I left. I left because of the director.

She comes to me, and asks me to work the Christmas day shift alone. I want to keep my regular schedule as I do better with consistency, but do not want to work alone. She bats her eyebrows and says, but you would save us money. (I am contributing my time, working shifts alone, and very generous in what I will give them. I expect no compensation in return other than respect.) I ask if she knows that I told the volunteer coordinator that I did not want to work holidays alone. She told me that she did know of this conversation but that "I didn't understand it". Huh? What part of I am an unpaid worker who won't work a holiday alone is unclear? Game playing!!!! So then, she's like "then we'll need to pay somebody to do the shift. So we really don't need you. Why don't you just take Christmas day off?"
This is shaming to me. I don't take it off because it is a holiday, which means spending those four hours alone kinda sucks. I'd rather be with someone else helping other people. I just do better. I actually look forward to working holidays as long as I'm not alone.
Now mind you, this conversation was not between her and I, but took place in the hotline room with other people present - hell no. Pressure to do things that aren't good for me and belittlement when I won't do it in a public forum? Combine this with the lack of respect from peers who think that a non-trainee is persona non grata, well then... there is only one thing wrong with this picture. Me, being there.
I am sorry, but it is time to leave.
That was half a year ago. Leaving the prejudice and humiliation was like angels lifting unbearably heavy weights off of my heart, which was being crushed like a bug. I miss the volunteer coordinator. I miss the people who were there that did treat me with dignity and respect, and there were those who recognized and appreciated me. And most of all - I miss the work. Deeply.