Why I left Suicide Prevention in Marin

There is always a long story and there is always a final straw to the story. Or at least that is how it seems. Here is a small piece in the long story:

I need a field placement before I can go any further in my schooling. Just the way it is. So when I couldn't get a placement, I started doing volunteer work in hopes that someone would recognize my absolute brilliance and take me on. Good plan. (Didn't work, but that does not mean it wasn't a good plan.) I did a year at a place called Community Violence Solutions. (Does this name say "sexual assault advocacy and counseling" to you? Because it sure doesn't translate that way to me. Seems like nobody else could figure it out, either. I reckon that's why in the year I worked every Friday night I only got two phone calls.)
All right, that one isn't working so hot, but we still have the plan. Let's try finding a different volunteer job. How about Suicide Prevention at Family Service Agency. FSA had turned me down for a placement earlier that year, but they didn't know me. (Also, my car died 3 times on the way to the interview, I was stressed to the max, and the valium wasn't cutting the akathesia after that so I was turning whirlies in my chair. That may be part of the reason why it did not go well.)About 20 places have turned me down. They don't know me. I don't interview well. Okay.
I take the training. I pass the training. I start the hotline. Lot's of stuff going on, but certainly within my capabilities. I like the work, and I am good at it.
But lets face it. I wanted something in return. When it came time for them to interview for trainees, I applied, put on a clean shirt, and brought myself to the table. After half a year of doing two shifts a week, I was the second most experienced person on the hotline applying for the job. Priority is given to people who have already trained for working the hotline.
When I was turned down, it hurt. They sent the director of the hotline, who is not licensed to train new therapists, to tell me how sorry they were but I should be in social work, I wasn't ready to work a 20 hour week, blah blah blah. So shes like, you'll find another placement. And I said no, it's not happening. So she asked me what I was going to do, and I said I would do what I have always done - find a minimum wage job and work like a dog. So, she went to her supervisor, talked to the school, and offered me a traineeship that would count towards a general master's in counseling psychology but would not count for licensure hours. In order to take the deal, I would forfeit the option of ever using the 42 units I had already completed towards my degree towards licensure. Basically, the day I signed up to take the deal, I would never be able to become a licensed therapist using the schooling I had already obtained. I turned it down. It was not a fair offer.

But, I did not leave the hotline for another eight months. Staying was incredibly difficult. So was leaving. I worked with the students who got the position I was turned down for. They were less experienced than I was. They were less trained than I was. For the most part, a good bunch of them were less committed than I was. And I worked with them, many as they started their first shifts. Ouch!
My shift partner got a placement (which was very deserved) in another FSA department, and as summer approached she got ready to leave the hotline. It is always a pleasure working with a partner who is a good match. And I will own up to this right now - I can have a hard time getting along with co-workers. Especially if they do not get my boundaries or are less experienced but do not take feedback well. Or if they breath wrong.

Okay - I didn't finish this post yesterday, so I've kind of lost my train of thought. Let's see - where was I? Oh, at suicide prevention, didn't get field placement (pain), liked my shift partner, on and on. So, I end up with this narcissistic little drip of a trainee who is basically put off by the whole notion that he should actually be expected to show up. Now I kind of expect for a trainee every week, on time, except in an emergency or scheduled vacation. Not happening. And he is a trainee and thinks he's cute. Once, when he had missed two weeks in a row, (one week was actually legit), he showed up late and instead of checking in on the line wanted to know, and I quote "Did you miss me? How much did you miss me? Did you miss me a lot?" Okay, here goes. I am going to own up to my part of the problem. After about 10 minutes of this, I roll up a magazine and smack the boy upside the back of the head. Hey, made sense to me.